The Last Lesson

over the years,and mostly the past month,has taught me some lessons in general about liking people.this is more for future reference for myself.as a log,a memoir to keep in mind when it may happen again.
1.Never ever make yourself,as they say,"too availible".no.dont degrade yourself.or do many nice things for someone.it just back fires.no matter what.
2.in terms of personal stuff,most girls have 2 answers.yes.and everything else.they either say or say something else.96% times,be sure and translate the other things to a no.
3.if they have to say yes,they will at that point.dont wait.time heals all wounds,it also creates new ones.makes the old'er' ones bleed.
4.never be too nice.nope.
5.dont expect things.take them as they come along.if you expect too much youll just end up losing.
6.never fall in deep.naah,stick to the shallows.wait for a boat to take to you the deeper portions.Never.and i mean Never go out their alone.
7.lol,dont insult people when they are about to apologize :P
8.dont change.change is bad.pretty bad.
9.ogledy bogledy

The Ordinary Superhero

i beleive there are more of us around.Its jsut hard to spot them.im betraying ym community,revealing my identity.But i dont care.the world needs it.well,not really.but im a psycho.and psychos so pscho stuff,its bogus.bogus is a nice word.ok,lets not deviate from the topic.
ya see,
this superhero of mine,is more along the superxero lines.totally.but to me,its super.and frankly thats all that matters.
my superhero,is inconspicuous.it lives not in disguise,but neither does it reveal it self.it comes to my aid when i need it most.when im lonely,or when i can be hurt.it wears this metaphorical sort of armour.an armour made of jokes,of illusions,of the indifference attitude.this unholy armour,is his key,his 'thing'.criticism,which otherwise would have hurt me,facts or information that would otherwise cause me mental unrest,that would hurt me seems to bounce of it.this hero,he can cover my lies.he can help me pretend when things arent all fine.when i want people to not know about things.
it also wears a mask.this mask of insanity,or smiles and laughter,of its all good with me.this mask is what I don at times.this is what prevents me from getting grumpy,from taking anti me things seriously.helps me pretend i dont care.This mask is what you will usually see me in,for i realized on the night of 4th october that its sometimes unwise to reveal your secret identity.
it kinda leaves you vulnerable.then,when all this armour and all goes away,u feel incomplete,and sometimes it goes crazy,that nothing can save me.
Its this mask of insanity that i shall atleast try to wear.to pretend,for my sake aswell as others,that its all good.
maybe someday this hero will convince me it is.someday.
oh i almost forgot,i havent told you the name of this superhero.u know,every hero needs a name.bat-man,spider-man,etc.
him.hes called 'sacman'

latest?songs i like a lot :D

"It's like trying to turn around on a
One way street. I can't give
You what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
That maybe we're not meant to be

There's still time to turn this around
Should we be building this up
Instead of tearing it down
But I keep thinking
Maybe it's too late."
not meant to be,theory of a dead man.

"...cant help but think of all the times ive had with you,
pictures and memories will have to help me through"
dear god,avenged sevenfold

"i tried to be perfect but nothing was worth it,
i dont believe it it makes me real
i thought it would be easy
but no1 believes me,
i meant all the things that i said"
---pieces,sum41

"I tried too hard and she tore my feelings
like I had none and ripped them away"
---she fucking hates me,puddle of mudd

"
...Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But i know this crush ain't going
Away
Going away"
-crush,david arachtuletta

"Called you up cause it's been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
We have done a lot of growing up
We were never meant to be together"
---without you,hinder

the other side

"hey there sally,"was what she said,"he just asked me out"
"i was bored, and he was nice,so i thought id try it out"
and so time went on,and they had a little fun,
a week or so of shared dreams,of long walks in the setting sun.
but now things have gone awkward,they just arent the same
the boy that was soo free,he looks now just tame,
and what can i say,my ex was nice,he now even calls
constantly reminding me of our fun times,of those afternoons in the malls,
i dont know who else to tell,coz sallys' out of town
i wonder why, when i tell him this,he always gets a frown!
but me and my ex did have it good,we even thought about sex
but alas he then changed,he also became my ex.
now i dont think i'll ever feel the same about any other guy,
i wonder why i havent told him this,maybe cuz im shy?

and now i lie in my bed,and this message that i type
its fun to message my ex,i wonder whats the hype!
and right now hes replying,in ways i thought unexpected
who cares abt 'him' right now,his messages i have deflected.
he always tells me to get back with him,i wonder why he does that
does he even like me or am i just his housecat!
oh damn.no reply.but its pretty late at night,
im really elated now,it didnt end in a fight!
i sometimes wonder what has changed,or where did we go wrong with tim
i was the one who broke up,the one who broke up with him!
maybe he didnt want it like that,what can i do now?
even if something could happen,i even wonder how!
all my friends will then hate ,some scoff and even sneer
i wonder what he will do,walk away or will he cheer?

Alone

and upon his darkened brow,he lay there and he thought
of all the god times they had had,suffixed by times they fought,
and soon he realized that things wnt work out much longer
he knew he'd have to give her up,he knew he had to be stronger,
he remembered the times they had,of the times he did her defend
'twas a little hard on him,she still considered him just a friend,
those fun chem lab periods,the salts they did titrate
and suddenly his heart jumped with joy,for his phone just did vibrate!
he fumbled with his phone,and thought ,'so much for my crying'
it really burned his insides out as he read "my ex, he aint replying :(","
with all the things he had told her,the feelings he had shared
not a single "i miss you" message,to show that she still cared,
he thought of writing this all down,his emotions in a letter
that people compared him and her ex,and considered her ex better,
she didnt realize he had found out,and the fact he indeed did know
but what really had hurt his conscience,was that she still didn't say no
so much for those fake promises,of being their forever
and now he just cant help but think the same, time 'they' are together,
and so it was that he now played the role of a narrator
and alas,in his own life he had become a spectator,
and now as he stands with his gang,wondering if he should make amends,
he thinks of his loss,he is alone,surrounded by his gang of friends.

The crumbling Relationship

Aye before he did it,his life was a mess
and then he went and asked her out,she even said yes
at first he had lots of fun,and thought that she did too
he even considered saying those 3 words,prefixed "from me to you"
he had thought that it would be great,and that it would last
but alas,time went on,his time with her moved fast
and then one day he realized,the feeling gave his stomach rumbling,
he realized that,with each day,his relation was crumbling
the signs were every...where,even inside his closet
how shortsighted could he be,he hadnt even saw it!
they didnt share their dreams anymore,nor about lifes wreckage,
oh hell,4 days in a row,and not a single message
and even when he sent "hi",she never not replied
but mostly it was "yes" or "no",sometimes she even lied
he called her once everyday,he wanted to keep his ties,
but always that stale old "u tell",and abrupt goodbyes
and then she called him at times,and talked incessantly about her ex
of 'their' happy relationship,of even considering sex
She talked of doing things for him,and her old emotional highs
he patiently listened to her,with jealous tears in his eyes
their communication started faltering,ending with a small fight
at times he felt sad,on others,couldnt sleep at night
and this is one of those nights,when he stares and then he yawn(s)
no matter how hard he tries,sleep wont come,it wont come until dawn
he smiles awkwardly to himself,his expression remains grim,
cz right now,she is messaging her ex,and not him.

An ode to an act of craziness

it was 5 20 when,when he returned from school,
yet another pointless day,he had lost his cool
he felt really rebellious,he needed a plan,
but most of all the thing he needed,the thing he wanted was a fan
no,his upperbody was quite cool,as he was told by his watch,
what he needed was some air,some air for his crotch
so while he changed his school uniform,he realized that he didnt care,
so that very fateful day,he refused to don underwear
it was a blissful feeling to him,really peaceful it was
so much airier he now felt,no underwear was its cause
so happy that his eyes were closed,with his parents he did bump
and all evening he roamed around,with an unsightley lump
a skipp in his step,a jump there he left a merry trail
with every little jump he made,he could feel it flail
his dad suspected what he did,he even said 'tch tch'
but every time it hit his thigh it made a sound 'pch pch'
a huge grin spread across his face,try as hard as he might,
his privates were so airier now,Very far from tight
today he thought,would not be, a good day to wear a dress,
for today he had,his own I-PEE-ADDRESS
and so at night he went to sleep,his actions he didnt repent,
and alas,the next morning he had set up his tent.